Harp

Today I learned how to play the harp.

I … AM … ALIVE!

For seven days and seven nights I did lock in combat with the yeti. On the eighth day we rested to feast on fine foods and wines, and then to sleep on the eighth night. Come the ninth day, I was no longer in the forest and the yeti was nowhere to be found. I was standing on the vestibule of a great city with buildings that did climb to the heavens, farther than my eye could see. But I found the gate locked. There was no guard, and no one did hear me and my shouts. I sat down to wait.

For thirteen years did I sit on the step to that great city, and that was when the Bandersnatch did attack from the sky. I plunged my sword straight through it, cutting it in two. It gave a small sigh before its soul disappeared into the night. And then the gate opened and I was welcomed like a brother. It seemed a magnificent place, but it slowly dawned on me that it was not the heaven I suspected. It was a city where many go in and none go out. But now there was no monster to stop people, and so I took my leave. I was warned that on either sides of the path I would fall to hell, and so I was very careful to walk the path in front of me.

They did not tell me about Borealis waiting to blow me off. And so, after years of torture, escape, fighting, honour, and trickery, I have returned to the world of the living, where I locked once again in deathmatch with the yeti. Having defeated the greatest monsters and demons of hell, it was really not very difficult for me to defeat him. And thus my saga continues.

Preparations

I confronted the Yeti a mere 3 hours ago. He challenged me to a dual, which will begin tomorrow noon. I am to bring a weapon of my choosing and he will do the same. The last one standing wins. I hold in my hand a wooden sword that has been handed down for more than 50 generations to me from my ancestor who became free after being a Roman gladiator. I have this in my blood. Wish me luck.

Heyo—

I found the yeti. In case that did not register, I will say it one more time.

I found the yeti. That's right. I found it. Now, it is a matter of laying the appropriate trap. I originally suspected that the yeti feasted on caribou, which would make a trap simple. However, I did fall into a lake and I did see (while in the lake) that the yeti passed by many a caribou without so much as raising a mighty paw. After further investigation using my trusty telescope, I have discovered that the beast eats mice and rats. More on this later. I have a yeti to catch.

Not dead

I just escaped from being captured by a bunch of people that eat people and were going to eat me. It was not my favourite situation to be in! They kept trying to cook me over an open fire, but then someone would say something and they'd go cook someone else instead. I decided I should help them using my cooking know-how. Needless to say, I was something like their head chef within a couple days, and was able to escape soon after. Classic!

Day One of my Great Adventure

I have set out with my bag (containing 1 water bottle, 1 box of matches, 1 mousetrap, 3 energy bars, 1 compass, 4 forks, 2 sticks, 1 swiss army knife, and my journal which includes a pen to write with). Along the path I have encountered bugs, bats, birds, and poison ivy. All in all, not too bad. As I write this I have a crackling fire going, over which one can see a seagull that I managed to get. I have eaten two power bars today and am about to eat a seagull. Soon I hope to find the Yeti. Wish me luck.

My Name is Gus Chiggins

It is spelled C H I double-G I N S. Chiggins.